Your friends and neighbors mock you and your parents disowned you because they just can't understand why you turned Republican?
Being a Republican isn't everyone's cup of "tea," and few really understand all the Conservative principles that make you a Republican, so our resident scholars put together 50 reasons why you are a Republican, starting with this portrait of your second-favorite candidate...
..as well as the vision for America from your favorite candidate...
...while this meme describes the GOP in just two words!
This 'toon shows off the clear thinking of all Republicans in times of crises...
...and this one explains everything there is to know about religiosity and the GOP...
...while this little pic shows us how Republican legislation fixes all of our problems...
...and this one shows us how Martin Luther King, Jr. helps the Republicans to come up with ideas to increase the voting turnout...
...because you're always ready to improve upon his dream...
...and we know the Reverend would be proud, mighty proud!
But to continue with our 50 reasons why you are a Republican, never forget that you are a proud Conservative, proud of your financial acumen...
...and your ability to attract non-Washington insiders...
...and your rhetorical skills...
...and ALL of your candidates in the 2016 Election...
...and your ability to spot environmental terrorists every time...
...as well as your plain, old Conservative values...
...and your discernment of changes in political attitudes...
...as well as countering any and all attacks on everything you believe in...
...while pointing out errors in others' way of thinking...
...like preserving the Constitution, of course.
And when you're a Republican you take responsibility for all of your actions!
Unfortunately our resident scholars quit in disgust before they finished the job and while they didn't quite reach the 50 reasons we were hoping for - do you get the idea now?
We thought you would...
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We're glad you asked!
Conservatism is the belief that the rich should prosper - and rule.
It's also the belief that in order to get the kind of adherents that don't care if Conservatives steal and kill, your proselytizing efforts include the stupid and the meanest in our society.
Of course, in order to succeed the Cons have to lie and deceive.
Making it obvious that the only cure for the elimination of this criminal cartel is to...
...criminalize Conservatism.
